Nov 21st, 2025
We interviewed author Timothy Shuttle about his book, Walking with Awareness: An Adolescence Derailed by Addiction. It’s a powerful and moving story, and we can’t recommend it enough, especially for those seeking answers about addiction, healing, and tapping into their inner strength. This interview is unedited.
Books always come to an end, but our journeys don’t. Where is Rose now, in her journey with drugs? And how has that shared experience shaped your relationship today?
Rose is still struggling. After the trail she returned to California living at a sober house. She left with another resident and ended up on the streets for a while. She hit a bottom and asked to come back to the Midwest. She is currently enrolled in community college, but still trying to get her feet underneath herself. It is a long and difficult struggle. One day at a time. One step at a time. Regarding my relationship with Rose, she is unbelievable; one of the sweetest people I know. We are close, and lucky to have her as our daughter. She knows what she has to do to move beyond the stranglehold of addiction. It is up to her to do it.
You write about the prejudice and “righteous condescension” you faced from others who assumed your daughter’s addiction was a reflection of parental failure. How do you help other parents protect themselves from shame or misplaced guilt?
With both of our daughters, and even our son, we have come to realize people rarely take the time to understand the backstory. Those trying to “help” are often the biggest culprits of condescension. Most of us want to fix others; we want them to join us underneath the bell curve, where it is presumed happiness lies.
By far and away the largest lesson for K and me is that we need to own and honor who we are; not what society or others say we should be. I now smile when I hear the word shame. “Shame” are you kidding me; I am unbelievably proud of our family. What we have gone through and continue to go through is indescribable, and in that same vein, who we have become as people is indescribable. We have grown tremendously. We love who we are. We are proud of who we are. Our measure of success is growth. Not conformity, not measuring up, but growth. When growth becomes the goal, everything changes.
You describe facing three monumental challenges: Victor’s cognitive struggles, Nancy’s battle with clinical depression, and Rose’s addiction. Have you ever wondered whether there might be a genetic thread connecting these difficulties?
I just finished two wonderful books by Siddharth Mukherjee – The Gene and The Cell. I highly, highly recommend those books to anyone interested in the question – What in the heck are we all doing here on Earth? Another great book is Determined by Robert Sopolsky.
I often commented over the last ten years that it was like this was all destined to happen; like gravity keeps pushing us in a certain direction, no matter what we do. I think genetics, culture, and society all play a role. I think most of us become programmed by our genetics, culture and the shoulds of society. Sopolsky says that according to science who we become is predetermined. I don’t necessarily agree with that. I think our circumstances are largely predetermined, but what we do with them is up to us if we become aware and own our decisions. Many of the same events appear in our lives until we redecide. When we become aware of our decisions, we have the ability to get off the programmed treadmill. We have the ability to move beyond our genetics, culture and the shoulds of society.
Genetics creates the environment, but what we do with our environment is up to us.
There are a lot of beautiful phrases and pieces of advice in the book. This one stands out: We let our loved ones go even if it means they are alone in the woods. We watch them but don’t intervene. And at an opportune moment, we unexpectedly pop in to let them know they are not alone. How do you balance that fine line between letting go and showing up, between tough love and unconditional support?
It is extremely hard for my wife and me – we both spend our working lives trying to fix – me as an attorney and my wife in sales, where outcomes are the measure of success. I constantly need to remind myself that the goal of life is growth and growth requires friction. It is hard to see your loved ones struggle, but struggle is part of the equation for growth. I recently made a bunch of T-shirts that say – GROWTH REQUIRES FRICTION.
When growth becomes the goal everything changes.
You describe the anguish and helplessness of watching Rose relapse multiple times, as well as the emotional toll it took on you and your wife, K. From everything you’ve lived through, what would you want to say to other parents who are facing the same struggle with a child in addiction?
Let go of the shoulds. Or as I say in the book, Fuck the Shoulds. No one knows your backstory other than you.
Let go of results; appreciate the journey (good and bad) and find beauty on the edges of life.
What are your hopes for Rose in 10 years? 20 years? Or does life on the fringes mean taking it day by day and seeing what unfolds?
Our hope for Rose is that she pushes herself. She does what is hard; and then something else hard, and then something else hard. Many people have emailed me upon reading the book. Most of them recovering addicts – the message is usually the same – do something, anything; push yourself.
Buy the book at Amazon.